Parallel Parenting vs Coparenting for Parents In Conflict Part 2

Understanding Mom’s World-Dad’s World

Parallel parenting works for parents who have a history of, or potential for conflict over their children’s issues. This style of parenting reduces communication between parents so they have a chance to develop their own rules in their own world.  Each parent creates their own regular and stable routines for their children when they are in their home.

The children benefit because parents can quit trying to reach agreements with the other parent. In “Mom’s World-Dad’s World” each parent decides their own rules for school work, bedtime, homework and chores.  Both parent’s rules may be different.  The children adjust to these changes, just like they adjust to having several teachers in school who have different rules for academics and for conduct.

For example: A mother tells their child to brush their teeth. The child says, “Daddy doesn’t make me brush my teeth before bedtime. Mommy replies, “That’s in Daddy’s World. When you are in my world, we brush our teeth before bedtime.

The child may be manipulating Mom by trying to get her to not enforce her rule. Or Mom lets go of the child not brushing their teeth at Dad’s.  The father checks with the school to see if the child is really missing homework, then he handles any concerns with the teacher, not the other parent.

  • Don’t punish your child to prove a point.
  • If your child is missing homework, fix it.
  • Don’t let them fail to prove that the other parent isn’t involved, doesn’t care, or can’t manage school or homework.
  • Each parent’s world includes rules for home, school and the world in general.
  • It includes the parent’s choice of friends, their beliefs, their religion, their culture and their family history.
  • It includes family traditions and family dynamics.
  • It includes all the people in your life.
  • You may not like the other parent’s choice of rules or people, but your child doesn’t deserve to hear about your displeasure.
  • What goes on in Mom’s world stays in Mom’s World. What goes on in Dad’s World stays in Dad’s World.
  • Tell your children you do not need to know what goes on at in the other parent’s world.
  • Don’t ask your child what they did with the other parent.
  • Do not relay messages through your children to the other parent.
  • Do not plan activities with the children (that fall on the other parent’s time) before you get the other parent’s permission.

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© Deena L. Stacer, Ph.D.      All Rights Reserved. March 2012.

Do not duplicate this material without permission from Deena Stacer.  You may email a request for permission to share information or foward this link to the person you want to share material with.

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